What is the Difference Between Self-esteem and Self-confidence?

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I always thought self-esteem and self-confidence were the same thing. Pretty self explanatory right? I thought they were a measure of your ARROGANCE level.

Not until I dug deeper into this topic did I realize the VERY difference of each one. We tend to rally in self-confidence all the while our self-esteem is just hanging by a thread and we don’t even realize this is happening. I think this is very true for women.

I’m a proud GEN X girl. But I wonder how, in our generation, women grew so strong in their capabilities to work as hard as a man, while we feel incomplete as a woman.

I can say for myself, I have TWO bachelor degrees, and on many days feel intellectually on the same level as most people. Yet the feeling of inadequacy has been very real in my life. How can I be confident and NOT confident at the same time?

I want to explore self-confidence first. Self-confidence defines your belief in your abilities to succeed in certain situations. For example I feel confident in my organizational skills. I am analytical and orderly when I handle things.

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However, when I am cooking

I am not so confident!

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I do not have enough experience in this life skill to feel equipped to successfully accomplish a healthy meal without someone getting food poisoning🤣. Ok I’m exaggerating a bit. OK maybe I’m being melodramatic. 😉

Anyways, I now understand that self-confidence is tied to what I believe I am ABLE to do.

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Self-esteem is a much bigger mountain than self-confidence. This is the big one, the elephant in the room that we REALLY need to discuss!

This one includes your OVERALL VALUE. Not just what you are able to do, but how do you feel about yourself as a whole! I think this is where most women fall short. The women that I grew up with are conquerors and get it done girls!!! We lovingly called my mom “SHE-RAH”. She could do anything when she made the decision to get something done.

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Yet she had the lowest self-esteem of anyone I knew. Why was that? I think we spend so much time DOING so many things we forget who we are individually. We lack the positive view of who we are when we are NOT doing all the “things”.

We need to take a serious evaluation in ourselves and ask,

Do I LOVE with my whole heart?

Do I share JOY with others?

Am I at PEACE with the person that I am (not just what I can do)?


Am I KIND in difficult situations?

Am I making GOOD life choices?

Have I been FAITHFUL (at work or at home)?

Do I handle the complainers with GENTLENESS?

Is my SELF CONTROL regulated or do I lose my cool all the time?

I am sharing with you some of the standards I use when I call myself out and give myself an evaluation. I fail regularly, however I know the standards I have because my self esteem is tied to who I am in Christ. These are the fruits of the spirit in the BIBLE. You can find them in the book of Galatians chapter 5 verses 22 and 23. I know that HE knows I’m not perfect and will NEVER be able to be perfect. However, my value of myself as a child of God has changed the method in which I try to handle myself physically, verbally, and emotionally. When I lose THAT focus, my self-esteem runs amok. When your self-esteem is tied to being a CHILD OF GOD, NO amount of worldly circumstances can shake your belief in yourself.

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I have come to understand that when your self-esteem is tied to how you look, who you are dating or how many friends you have, that creates a chaotic environment that is constantly changing.

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Having the understanding that God Loves me for just me. That He sent His son Jesus to die on a cross for all of my sins, makes anything I could do or not do pale in comparison to who He is and how much I am loved.

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My self-esteem is defined by who God says I am, not the world.

And when I forget that, I quicky grab a hold of the reminder to get back on track.

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Your self-esteem needs to be stronger than your self-confidence. Make sure you work on that first. When your self-esteem is rock solid, the rest of life is just a part of the journey! Keep going girl! You got this!